The future is in good hands (if you live outside of Swindon)

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)

These are genuine answers from 16 year olds. Heaven help us!

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

I'm not sure if they are clever and bored, or just mentally challenged.  I just hope it isn't representative of a rising generation.  Perhaps the teachers were bored and decided to have a bit of fun but didn't tell the kids that they were only joking.  Perhaps it's just Swindon? We know they are in dire need of a decent  football team and I honestly can't think of anything  of worth associated with the place. 

I just googled the place and I'm wrong.  In the 80's they had a world champion darts player.
Diana Dors comes from Swindon (I personally sang to her in the 70's...when I find where the post is I'll direct you to it).

There are also dubious connections with  the Beatles, Stones, Sherlock Holmes and many others.  (They probably all passed through as fast as they could).  No, check this out...It's one of the most famous album covers in the world - the Beatles walking across the zebra crossing just outside the Abbey Road studios in London. And in the picture - yes, you've got to look closely - you'll notice a white 1968 VW Beetle, parked on the left-hand kerb. A car registered in Swindon, no less!

Well there we have it. I take it all back. Fancy that...the Beatles treading on beetles with a four-wheeled beetle in the background...from Swindon.

Tonight I'm out with Martin visiting some new members of our church who moved here from Swindon.  Okay, I shouldn't joke...they may not be from Swindon but how funny will it be if they are?

Here at work Maureen has just let me loose on a box of M&S chocolates. I have to tell you that the lemon mousse light truffle covered in white chocolate with dark chocolate drizzle is probably the nicest chocolate I've ever never bought and eaten. It is gorgeous!! Bev will be proud of me... I've been really good and only had five or six!

Back home now after a really good night visiting and chatting with people...none of them from Swindon.

You'll be pleased to know that I will never again have occasion to mention the place ...unless one of those 16 year old boys ends up playing for Sunderland.