I've got more hair in my ears and nose than the top of my head. I need spectacles to focus on anything and everything. I've got a bent nose. Eileen thinks I'm a turnip and my dentist is ready to do his worst on me next Thursday.
Oh, and I'm going deaf...Bev reckons it's selective hearing.
I think it was Arlo Guthrie who sang...
'I've got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes, I'm allergic to flowers and bugs. And when the bomb shell hits I get epileptic fits and I'm addicted to a thousand drugs'.
Well, I'm not quite that bad but I'm definitely feeling it today and I've run out of vitamin 'C' tablets.
I stood at the kitchen window admiring the roses on the arch and tried unsuccessfully to count them. Bev pruned them last year and now they are the best they've ever been. She's offered to prune me tonight...nose and all. I'm okay with this as I could do with being the best I've ever been. I'm just a little nervous about her recent pruning activities as I don't want a repeat of Lautrec (see cruel cuts).
Jon rang last night...and Martin...and Ash...and Tiffany...and some colourless automated sales persons message after I raced to get the phone before it stopped ringing.
Oh my goodness! I've just seen David's email about the UK Border Agency...they are the ones who created that huge queue at Portsmouth as we arrived back in the UK Sunday last. As she handed back the passports she smiled at me. I bet she knew I'd be too late home to have a meal. I bet she knows all about me.
My reply to David was...
The slimy beggars! Who do they think they are? They've actually created themselves a voyeuristic agency and we'll be paying them a wage and no doubt a lucrative pension too. When did all this sneak in?
I can understand we need to keep tabs on benefit cheats, sleazy politicians and terrorists but aren't our emails, mobiles, facebook, blogs and internet already being monitored?
Perhaps that colourless automated message WAS really the government seeing if I was at home and googlemap is really government funded.
Yes, I'm having a laugh but there is a serious side to it too. We already have evidence that our personal data can easily be misplaced (DVLA details left on a train). The government cannot be trusted and it's a fact.
Apparently I could be landed with a heavy fine if I don't give 24 hours notice of my movements. Well how ridiculous is that? What if I was in France and I get a call to say my MIL had collapsed and I had to dash back?
Do I have to put my hand up and say 'Please sir, can I go to the Louvre?
Lastminute.com must have something to say about this if we can't take advantage of getaway last minute holidays and the like.
I haven't even scratched the surface of scenarios. I'm too niggled to expand on it right now.
Eat your heart out George...1984 hasn't a patch on 2009. They're everywhere and into everything.
Pity they weren't in our garden in France to prepare it for our coming...
The little tree is an oak that we are protecting. When the wall is built properly it will have integral seating...
This was one of the views of Portsmouth on our return as we ghosted past the warships...