Senseless life?

At a push I could do without legs, a couple of fingers or an arm. I could possibly get used to a world of silence so long as everything else was working okay... I'm almost halfway there anyway; but I can't imagine a life without sight. Worst of all a silent and sightless existence.

Not seeing the shimmering sun or a trembling leaf or hearing children's laughter and reassuring loving words would be unimaginable. Then there's the likes of Dylan and other great artists as well as the great creative world that's within touching distance.

To continue on a personal note, loss of speech could be seen as a blessing to others and in some cases a reciprocal arrangement would be most beneficial. Loss of sense of smell, touch or taste...no big deal (I think!)

Truth be told, I wouldn't want to do without any of them. I'd much rather just do without the things that come and go without leaving me lop-sided or wanting, like sweets, cakes, too much exercise, accountants, solicitors, politicians and people telling me what to do.  Other come and go things that I would like to stick around and stay a while are the likes of drive, passion, purpose and enthusiasm.

Aren't we an intricate lot? I feel quite blessed whenever I come to my senses and realise just what a lot I've got.

If I had to cut any of the permanent essential bits loose it would have to be...?

Actually, on the subject of cutting, would you sacrifice a finger for a fortune? Would you exchange a toe for a talent, an eye to save a life or an arm to prevent misfortune? You may be surprised to learn that I'd sacrifice all of these and more...so long as the doctor certified me dead along with an obligatory second opinion...can't be too careful!

I'm warming to the idea of my body being good for something and someone after I've vacated it. Anything is better than the maggots and worms fighting for the best bits.

I'm confident the resurrection will bring me all back together again somehow. What a party that will be! It'll be like another war in Heaven where everyone will be fighting for their bits back from each other. "Hey, that was my kidney". "No, no, no...the heart was on loan".

I might be flippant, but I do believe in the resurrection as perhaps the greatest miracle of all...second to life itself.

It's a rip-off!

I sat in Newark Hospital waiting for my appointment after dashing like a madman to get there. I'd been blocked in by lorries, frustrated by every red light imaginable and ended up pulling my hair out trying to find a parking space and the right department.

My feathers were ruffled as I eventually sat and picked up a magazine to read an article that had caught my eye on the cover. I had two minutes to spare. Page 56 didn't exist; someone had torn the article out...along with every other article I had an interest in. I ended up reading a true story which had its concluding few paragraphs on the back of yet another article that had been torn out.

I'm a person who tears things out of waiting-room periodicals so I couldn't really complain. It was the worst case I've ever come across though.

Twenty-five minutes later I was called to sit in a smaller waiting room. Ten minutes later I was expected to smile and be civil with the specialist who happened to be a stand-in for the man I was expecting to see. He'd supped his coffee while I sat outside and it wasn't even 11:00am. I was quite proud of myself for the obvious self control mustered from somewhere.

The evening was supposed to have been spent digging the garden ready to plant some veg but the rain forced us indoors. The rest of the time was spent trying to communicate with an estate agent in France.

Thanks Martin & Colette for all your help.

Sunday

The Old Testament
A walk
Making plans
Talk

England to reach Semi-Final and lose against Brazil

A full scorching day in the garden and a trip to the tip always makes me feel good. The garden is full of colour now and things are growing that we don't remember planting.

We had a meal at Lord Ted then walked along the river to catch the last of the evening sun before heading back through town to pick the car up. Newark looks so beautiful tonight.

Today has been a super long day. I love really long days when not at work. It's like I get a special offer on life.

This Saturday marks the end of life as we know it. With the World Cup and Martin wanting a hand with his bathroom as well as lending a helping hand for my brother and a trip to London, there will be no more opportunities for home centred activity before setting off to France again.

Am I complaining? Depends on how far we get in the competition. I suspect we'll meet and beat France in the quarter finals before losing to Brazil in the Semi. Anything less will be very, very disappointing.

Oops...we hear thunder so I guess lightning isn't far behind. Time to switch the computer off and unplug.

FH&O...

I was so busy painting yesterday as well as attending our monthly welfare meeting in Nottingham, that I ran out of time to post. I'm still very tired from France so by the end of the day I feel zombified.

Update...
I was shortlisted but not selected for the RA Summer Exhibition. The letter came yesterday. My goal was to go through the selection process which I did. I enjoyed the experience and will get a few days in London so I'm quite happy. I think they were looking for something more cutting edge than what I had to offer. We're planning to go to the exhibition and will no doubt enjoy it. Maybe I'll  try again next year...maybe not.

Today is a beautiful day and I'm in the studio again. Juli will arrive about tea-time. They are dropping by en-route to Sunderland from Bel-Air and Paris.

My only instruction is to clear the dining room table, water the plants, make tea and arrange to pick up the stained glass that we've had repaired. I also expect to make a few calls and reply to some emails...maybe even visit a few blogs.

I thought I'd post now as I don't expect anything else to happen today and know things will be hectic later when the family arrive.

Q. How do I feel on this the 4th June?
A.  Fortunate, happy and optimistic.

Q. What music blasts in the studio today?
A. Rod Stewart, Rodney Crowell, Mark Knopfler (sailing to philadelphia, Daniel Bedingfield, Imogen Heap, Ron Sexsmith, Dylan, Show of Hands.

Whitehaven

A woman pushing catalogues through letterboxes and a man cutting his hedge on a beautiful sunny day in Cumbria could never have imagined the possibility of their lives -along with twelve others and possibly more-ending so violently and senselessly. I can hardly believe what happened today. This sort of thing just doesn't happen here...or so we like to think. We've had some massacres  in the past carried out by lunatics but this was carried out by a friendly and affable ordinary and well-balanced 52yr old. What's going on?

Back home for six weeks

I had already enjoyed a few hours sleep in the cabin but now preferred being stretched out on the blue painted hot deck of the MV Bretagne using Bev's handbag as a pillow whilst trying to read my book. The sun was high, the sky blue and I felt like a cat stretching in front of a roaring fire. I was totally relaxed and contented. Today I feel more tired than at any time in my life. Perhaps its the past week or so catching up with me but I'm totally zonked and wasn't much use at work.

One of our last acts in Brittany was a walk in Yvon's woods. We bumped into him and he thanked us for the photographs and chocolate. He personally planted over 50,000 trees here and is one of the most incredible people we know on the planet. As a pathetic comparison we planted a single silver birch in our own garden which we brought from England. At the moment its only a foot tall but hopefully will grow tall and strong between the hedge and dove.

Its been an eventful and happy two weeks even though a day didn't pass without a thought for Joel. We were saddened as the facts became apparent of his last days as he struggled to come to terms with loneliness and disappointment. We'll miss him.

Thanks for your comments on the posts of my first ten years of life. It has given me encouragement to get more thoughts and incidents-as well as accidents- onto paper before it all becomes too fuzzy.

I've been hanging dates around memories and have realised that a particular vivid thought I have about an actual hanging means that I wasn't in care as early as I thought, so I'll have to re-visit my posts at some point and slip in the correct dates.

I feel quite proud to have been born in the very month a King died and a Princess became Queen, even though it would be 16 months before the formal coronation.

I feel proud to have experienced gas lights before electricity, the birth of transatlantic flights, black&white to colour TV, steam trains, horse-drawn carriages to cars, a world without plastic or computers and remembering what it was like to hear the likes of the Beatles and Stones as they were unveiled to the world.

It has been a very good life and, in the words of Annie Lennox, it ain't over! What an incredible age we live in.

This tired old man is off to bed.

The silver birch...new life.